Dark Times Require Action


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This year has been extremely difficult. Hell, it started out with me having a stroke. The stroke caused us to have to stop traveling for a while and, for a while, we thought that was the only thing that was going to happen and we were a bit surprised how, not only this stroke but another in March, the stroke was going to make us aware of some changes I had to make. If I didn't make these changes, I would be dead within a few years.


We found my body produces too many red blood cells which causes the blood to be too thick, which causes me to have strokes. Well, this wasn't the only reason, but it was a big one. My LDL cholesterol was in the 500's, my HDL was less than 20, and my triglycerides was 300% higher than it should be. Because of this and the extra blood cells, I was not in a healthy way and I had reached a point my body told me enough. Something had to be done, but what?


Working with my doctors we were able to find a plan using medication and diet to get my numbers down. I am now exactly where I need to be number wise and I have been able to get the blood count where it should to be. This means I have to do a therapeutic blood draw once a month of one pint of blood. It is nothing more than like you donating blood. It takes some time, but it is well worth my time. This process has helped me become more aware of my body and what I am experiencing.


In March my father passed away. He had been in an extreme amount of pain so it was a blessing; however, it was devastating for me and I was missing him so much. I thought I was doing well with the healing process, but I was not dealing with it and because I was not, I have had very, very bad situation happen over the past few months. However, it was not something that overtook me immediately, it and was a mixture of time and life with his death that was starting to cause issues.


Because I did not take care of my body over my lifetime, my knee had to be completely replaced. As I grew up, I had seen my father go through three knee replacements and a couple of friends. The surgeries did not seem to cause many issues for them so I went into the surgery thinking this was going to be easy. Unfortunately, this was far from the truth. I have never had such a horrible and stressful surgery and post-OP time. This, mixed with my father's death, caused me to drop into depression which I am normally able to work my way through, but this was turning into a very bad situation.


I normally have problems with depression; seasonal depression is extremely difficult for me. Because I was already having depression issues, we recently had the time change, and we were heading into the holiday season, my sanity was spiraling out of control. I recently decided I needed to look for help because I had decided, in a very dark moment, that I should leave. Not commit physical suicide, but social suicide. I was thinking it would be better for my husband, family, and friends if I just disappeared. This way they would not have to put up with my emotional instability.


I did not NEED to find help,

# it was extremely important I FIND help.


There is a huge difference. The second is an action and I had come to a point I needed to speak with someone. I spoke with my doctor and a therapist and now have a working plan to help me get through this dark time. Talking to others about what I am going through, hearing what others are going through, and getting a plan of action has helped me see I am not alone and depression is a liar.


The plan is to talk about my depression to help me see that I am not alone, get physical again and start hiking, and focus on the three things that bring such joy to my life.


Travel

# Embroidery

Helping others


So, I will be doing an Actifit post two to three times a week. I need the accountability. Please remind me and let me know that I slacking if I do not post at least twice a week about my physical activity.

I need to tell you about our past travels. I have over 2,000 photos in my phone taken from our adventure. I need to tell you all about these trips. We are getting ready to make some changes in our travels and how we present them to you. So I am hoping to post one a week on this account.

I will be posting about my embroidery projects will be posted in my @rubberduckiemom account. It is there I want to really show off my art and teach those who are interested in the learning.


Depression is painful, debilitating, and destroys. It was stealing my life. For me, it is a medical issue and I needed help, but it was up to me to decide I was ready to find the help. Please know I tell you all about this not to receive your sympathy, but to make you aware of the disease. I am lucky because I have dear friends here and within the @steemterminal that were patient and cared. There are some who have no one to ask if they are okay. So please, check on your friends often and be there just to listen.

Today I started my walking therapy and I just wanted to share this massive achievement. Thanks for celebrating with me.
Ren

8928
Walking


Comments 83


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30.12.2019 05:03
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Oh that is adorable.

30.12.2019 13:42
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Hi @xcountytravelers ,
I'm glad you started walking today.
I wish you to forget what depression is.
Your sewing hobby will help you.

30.12.2019 06:35
0

Thank you. I am glad as well.

30.12.2019 13:41
1

Oh, @xcountytravelers, what you have been through! It makes my head spin. Anyone would be struggling emotionally under the circumstances. I am sending you a huge boatload of wellness and strength - everything I can muster to help you be strong and push forward. Depression is very very hard. But it really sounds like you're tackling this, and your health challenges too, and that you really want to make change. That is the start. And you've got plans with your Actifit regimen. Huge kudos to you for that! Often times depression makes it so terribly hard to take that baby step toward action. If you can push through that, you can start a regimen that you can build on.

Fight your way back. You can do it. Find that tiger within!

30.12.2019 06:44
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Thank you. When the knee situation happened, I was so upset that it had been as hard as it had been. I just stopped trying to hike. It is a fight, but it a fight worth taking. My goal is 10 miles this time next year so I can go see a place that was my family's homestead. So I need the Actifit to keep me focused.

When you said tiger within, I totally pictured Tigger from Winnie the Pooh! Haha
Ren

30.12.2019 13:40
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Goals are so great! That will help you to keep focused. Tigger is a lovely image. He has so much energy plus a big dose of fun.

30.12.2019 16:02
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Keep pushing. Wishing Renewed joy and happiness.

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30.12.2019 07:21
0

Thank you!

30.12.2019 13:34
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A happy new year to you & yours! Pls take good care of yourself. I miss seeing you often on @steemterminal. I'm sure there are lots more redfish out there needing your help & encouragement. I'm simply happy to help out too 😊😊 lotsa love to you 😘😘

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30.12.2019 09:28
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Happy New Year to you. Redfish Rally would have not survived this so I am extremely grateful to you being here. I do plan to be a bit more active so we will see more of each other.

30.12.2019 13:34
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Peace Love and Healthiness...

30.12.2019 09:36
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I accept those. Thank you.

30.12.2019 13:32
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Sending all the love and prayers to you!

30.12.2019 10:10
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Thank you.

30.12.2019 13:31
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Hey sweetie!!! This year really has been insanely tough on you and I am blown away by your determined and positive approach! It is really admirable! 2020 is going to be a good year and all of us in PHC will be there to support you and each other every step of the way! Baby steps to a bright future! Lots and LOTS of love hon

30.12.2019 10:19
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Yes it has and I sure don't feel I have been positive. Haha. PHC is a special place and the people there are all so amazing. I appreciate them and you. I know 2020 will be amazing.

30.12.2019 13:30
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Praying for you with love.

30.12.2019 10:52
0

I do appreciate it so much.

30.12.2019 13:27
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Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
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You have been curated by @hafizullah on behalf of Inner Blocks: a community encouraging first hand content, with each individual living their best life, and being responsible for their own well being. #innerblocks Check it out at @innerblocks for the latest information and community updates, or to show your support via delegation.
30.12.2019 10:52
0

Take care!

30.12.2019 12:49
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Thank you.

30.12.2019 13:27
0

oh ren, I'm so sorry for noticing your post just now. I'm so sorry for having a hellish year, it's hard maybe but please don't give up. Many people wants you to be strong and well. Many people are keep on loving you. Just share it on steem if you'll feel like very sad.
I hope you'll be fine soon ren, I'll pray for your fast recovery. Take care as always and God bless. Not to spend time on discord because after the typhoon our place having hard time to have a good internet connection.

30.12.2019 12:53
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I do appreciate those prayers. I so appreciate you, my friend. Ease be safe and take great care.
Ren

30.12.2019 13:27
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Well done facing your demons and tackling them one by one @xcoutytravelers wishing you positive thoughts going into 2020.

30.12.2019 13:02
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I am trying. That is all that can be done at this point. Turns out I am stronger than I thought and I am even stronger with my friends by my side. I do believe 2020 is going to be a very good year.
Ren

30.12.2019 13:25
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Once we become answerable to ourselves, change can happen, friends and family help ride through the river of life. To better health Ren.

30.12.2019 13:51
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Hey there, I'm happy to hear you are making it through this tough year. I'm sorry for the loss of your father. That's rough even if it was a blessing. I lost an uncle this year.

I was curious about the therapeutic blood draw. You mentioned it's kinda like giving blood. The question it raised, is simply; is the blood donated?

30.12.2019 13:08
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Unfortunately, no. They do not know what is causing the increase. At first they thought it was a cancer called Polycythemia Vera, but it is not cancer. To make your head spin, it is only polycythemia. I know, right. Haha.

Because the cause is unknown and they do not know if it will transfer to others, the blood cannot be donated. I had hoped it could be, but it would break my heart if I caused someone this sort of pain.

I am so sorry about your uncle. The loss can be horrible to the mind of others. I appreciate your thoughts and you.
Ren

30.12.2019 13:21
1

You know I understand... and we all just want the very best for you and the family. Sometimes its chicken... sometimes its feathers :)

Much love and positive energy your way dear friend...

@alliedforces curate2

!trdo

30.12.2019 13:55
0

Congratulations @wesphilbin, you successfuly trended the post shared by @xcountytravelers!
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30.12.2019 13:55
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You got some love from a member of @thealliance family!
Keep up the great work and join us in The Castle sometime!
The #spreadlovenotwar curation campaign is under the guidance of witnesses @enginewitty and @untersatz.
30.12.2019 13:55
0

I do and I appreciate you and the support you share. I just got a little lost.

30.12.2019 20:27
0

@tipu curate

30.12.2019 13:56
0

@untersatz curate 2

30.12.2019 13:56
0
This post has been upvoted by witness @untersatz. You've done a great job!
The @untersatz witness and manual curation is under the guidance of @contrabourdon and @organduo.
30.12.2019 13:57
0

Hello!

This post has been manually curated, resteemed
and gifted with some virtually delicious cake
from the @helpiecake curation team!

Much love to you from all of us at @helpie!
Keep up the great work!

![helpiecake](https://cdn.steemitimages.com/DQmbaZsAsMz3tXTqmbqgFj2ZnG1H8TECP2a1JUXNjLAazDq/Pastel-Layer-Cake-Slices-FTR.jpg)

Manually curated by @wesphilbin.


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30.12.2019 13:58
0

!giphy hakuna matata

30.12.2019 14:00
0




giphy is supported by witness untersatz!

30.12.2019 14:01
2

Sending love and lights to you. Get well soon!

30.12.2019 14:04
0

Thank you so very much.

30.12.2019 20:28
0

You got this, girl. My oldest son suffers depression, and I've had to put him in the hospital twice over it, so I know just how real it is. Being open about it and able to talk about it is awesome. It's definitely manageable!

30.12.2019 14:42
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Bless your hearet @xcountytravelers!!! You have been through a very tough year!! Sounds like you're on a good path, I am so glad you have a wonderful support system. Your three chosen activities will help strengthen your mind, body and spirits, great choices. I have found helping others always brings positive results to my heart and soul. Will be praying for you! Blessings my friend :) 2020 will see you back on the road, looking forward to those pictures of your travels!

30.12.2019 14:44
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I told my husband I was done sulking and drowning in the depression and it was time to climb out.

30.12.2019 20:31
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Hi, Ren! @countrytravelers

Well oh, the one thing that I can say is that we are all here be a part of the plan. I think it's hard for anyone to see clearly until the problem is so big that it's overwhelming.

I remember when you came back and you were getting ready to think about traveling that again and unfortunately I had too many things going on in my own life which is never a good excuse and I dropped the ball. I know I hadn't seen you around for a while but I also know that so many people have abandoned ship that I just sighed and waited until it was too late apparently. For that I am sorry and I will never take it for granted that somebody has just walked away from steemit. And I also promise to give you a boot, figuratively speaking of course when I don't see that your Fitness report. You have gone through so much for so long that this ride will be a joy.

I look forward to seeing your progress and if I didn't say it before I'm sorry to hear about your dad. It is such a profound event in one's life. I don't care how much pain they're in, after I get over the fact that they needed to be at peace, then it hits people. I am so happy that you have so many people around you to boost you up and I plan on being part of that booster club. It has nothing to do with feeling sorry for you or showing sympathy yeah, but it's more like being a friend. And we can never have enough of those. Love to you and your recovery. Just know we are all here for you.

Love, Denise

A flower. Always

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!tip .20 💖

30.12.2019 14:46
0

Sorry, the tip is higher than your deposit.
You can check your deposit by sending 0.001 SBD to @tipu with memo: status
(the minimal tip is 0.1 SBD/STEEM)

30.12.2019 14:46
0

My dear friend, you did not let me down. There has been a lot of people disappearing and you have so many things you are focused on. I was trying so hard to not go down the path I did, but the holidays and time change was too much while I was dealing with my grief. I am just glad I knew to find help.

I am looking at doing fitness blogs on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I do know you will be watching.

30.12.2019 20:39
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Well, the good thing is that you knew what to look for. That is amazing in itself. Most never recognize that. Kudos to you. xoxo

Oh, I will be watching out for them! I'll try to catch it tomorrow, but, I will be driving to West Virginia in the morning and hope I can get back home to the DC area before the traffic hits!

30.12.2019 21:13
0


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30.12.2019 16:03
0

May you get well soon! I know that it sucks to have a lot of conditions but I assure you that you'll get better, just be positive about it. May you enjoy the next years to come

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30.12.2019 16:13
0

I decided that at the end of 2019, I was done. I am ready for something better.

30.12.2019 20:40
0

Your travel, trials and tribulations have made you the strong person you are. Sharing it here will add to the many voices who need to know that they are in good company. You will blast through this and we will be with you. More importantly, you will inspire many others.

Sorry you have had the toughest of years and had to go through this. I am happy for what the future holds for someone as strong as you.

30.12.2019 16:19
0
Stay positive!!
Hope 2020 brings better health and times.
Have a non-alcoholic !BEER & some !giphy positivity.
30.12.2019 16:34
0




giphy is supported by witness untersatz!

30.12.2019 16:34
2

Thank you.

30.12.2019 20:40
0

View or trade BEER.

Hey @xcountytravelers, here is a little bit of BEER from @justinparke for you. Enjoy it!

30.12.2019 16:34
0

You are certainly having to climb some emotional mountains my friend. We hope. pray and trust that it will all work out favorably for you in the end.
Blessings!

30.12.2019 17:33
0

What is it, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. I am hoping it is meaning physically/emotionally stronger and not stronger smelling.

30.12.2019 20:42
0

Hahaha, you already sound stronger my friend.
Blessings!

31.12.2019 13:06
0

Sorry! I bounced your tip and had to run to the bank to put in more money, honey! Let's try this again! Happy almost New Year!

!tip .20

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30.12.2019 18:18
0

Hahaha. So I guess I am rubber!

30.12.2019 20:42
0

Haha! Right?

30.12.2019 21:11
0
🎁 Hi @xcountytravelers! You have received 0.2 STEEM tip from @dswigle!

@dswigle wrote lately about: Fifth Day Of Christmas And Five Golden Rings Feel free to follow @dswigle if you like it :)

Sending tips with @tipU - how to guide.

30.12.2019 18:19
0

Hi Ren...
I lived some bad times long time ago, it doesn’t mean all is pinky today but, as you, I had to manage depressing situations related to beloved ones passing away and some health issues.
To be honest I must admit that I had to reach the bottom to jump up for the surface... but I did. It’s just that, jumping, taking momentum and doing it.
It was the vision of a famished street dog looking for something to eat and it’s effort or eagerness on doing it what called my attention. Then I thought to myself “if this one that’s almost skin and bone is just fighting to survive, why shouldn’t I?”
That thought awakened my survival instinct and I could find the strength to start again with my life... if you don’t care of yourself , who’s gonna do it?
I will be very watchful with your actifit accomplishments so you better do it lol
Big hugs and love over there ❤️

30.12.2019 19:05
0

Thank you friend. I totally see the need for hitting bottom so we can have something to push off from. Thank you so much for the image and and encouragement.

30.12.2019 20:46
0

What a godawful year. No wonder you struggled. Here is hoping next year picks up. Xx I HEAR you about the depression..

30.12.2019 20:04
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I know everyone has a season of sadness and it helps to know I am not alone. Next year is my year to achieve much.

30.12.2019 20:50
0

Here is hoping 2020 is much less eventful! Sending lots of good energy your way my friend! 💚

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30.12.2019 22:25
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31.12.2019 01:41
0

So very sorry that you're going through some dark times, but sounds to me like it's about to change. Personally I know the pain of depression, probably much worse than physical pain but you will come out of that deep dark hole into the light! I have written a couple of posts about my journey to overcoming this but also know that we're all so different and have yo follow the route that works for us! A link one of my posts on this if you'd like to take a peek

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31.12.2019 09:10
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31.12.2019 15:59
0

God bless you and Happy New Year to you @xcountytravelers 🙏

!trdo

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31.12.2019 20:09
1

Congratulations @wonderwop, you successfuly trended the post shared by @xcountytravelers!
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31.12.2019 20:09
0

You have been through so much. 💕 It seems everything happens at once.

It’s a New Year and decade! I hope 2020 will bring you good health and new hope & beginnings.

01.01.2020 02:37
0

@xcountrytravelers Ren, so sorry you are dealing with all these issues. Depression is so debilitating, then added to physical ailments, and your grief, it's a whole lot of mess to deal with. I'm glad you are getting support and pray this New Year goes much better for you!

01.01.2020 18:40
0

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I'm glad your health has improved, but sorry to hear about the depression. I wish I knew what to do about that.

A couple of months ago, my wife and I started walking. Just for the heck of it. At 53, and living a rather sedentary lifestyle, I decided it was time to get the heart pumping. So I adopted the slogan, "Make My Heart Great Again." I pray that it's working. I'll pray for you too.

01.01.2020 19:59
1

Congratulations @xcountytravelers, your post successfully recieved 0.03335175 TRDO from below listed TRENDO callers:

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02.01.2020 04:45
0

Love that pic of your pops, let's hope this year is supremely better!

02.01.2020 16:34
0

A free manual !trendovoter gift from MAPR for your participation in PYPT.
Enjoy!

Take care.

02.01.2020 16:44
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Congratulations @accelerator, 25.19% upvote has been shared with your successful call on the post that shared by @xcountytravelers!


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02.01.2020 16:44
0

Mad love all the way here from South Africa. I hope you get well soon. And that this year will be fruitful for you.

03.01.2020 08:35
0

I am very glad that you sought out and found help for your medical issues. Depression is a very misunderstood medical condition. It is hard for some folks to understand if they have never experienced it. I am so glad that this post was shared on PYPT to spread awareness.

My prayer is that this new year will find you in much better health. We all think the world of you and the contributions that you freely give to the STEEM Community. I look forward to seeing more of your needlepoint posts on your @rubberduckiemom account.

Be blessed! Sending you blessings and groovy vibes.

05.01.2020 18:48
0

Howdy Ren! Holy smokes you went through the ringer last year! Dang. So glad to hear that things are drastically better now though, you can't keep a good woman down!

Hey, where is the best place for a new Steemit member to get help? Are you still helping new members?

20.01.2020 22:38
0