You remembered how you felt it was over.
There won't ever be this joy and life fulfilment.
That kind of love you read about and fantasize it, you won't experience.
In some way you die-ing but you can't reach out. You don't know how to.
Then alone the way, there comes this thing that's gonna keep you living but then it's not gonna give you that joy and fulfilment you say to yourself.
It keeps you living but then, it brings this belittlement and fear into you together with that, that's eating you up in the first place.
Fear of exploring the world and reaching out to every single thing you've longed-for.
And also fear of things you can't talk about.
Alone the line, moving in that path you tend to discover that you actually do living than you thought when you see some persons. In some way you appreciate life even though you feel you shouldn't.
I prefer using the second person pronoun because I can hide myself in it and tend pretend it's fiction some times.
So I got some good news on health related issues this week. And in some way I feel kinda happy and relief (Let's call the person Q), is gonna be happy and less concerned.