“Each one of us has a three-year-old child within us, and we often spend most of our time yelling at that kid in ourselves. Then we wonder why our lives don’t work.”
― Louise L. Hay, You Can Heal Your Life
Most of our unconscious ways of feeling and behaving stem from our childhood. The roadmap we designed for ourselves back then still drives the vessel that we conduct today. Even if that roadmap has proven to be a deeply flawed and destructive one, we’ll still unconsciously be pulled back to it, as it’s the only model of life we’ve ever known.
" Practice makes perfect" , my soccer coach would always say.
" Practice makes permanent " , would be what I would say.
Practice for long enough on the turf of dysfunction, and in time, dysfunction will have become an ingrained part of you. We’re all drawn to what reminds us of the familiar. Even if familiarity means to be the target of an endless supply of viciousness.
Isn’t completely paradoxical to be pulled toward what could be the death of you? Not when you keep in mind the fact that as a child, you had no choice but to cling onto this painful reality that was yours. It was your truth, and now that it has imprinted itself into your being, you mistaken your truth as the way things should be.
The fact is that some head onto such a risky territory as an unconscious attempt to create a different ending to their once over childhood story. While that part of your story may be over, the wounds it left in your psyche are far from having exited your life story that is to come.
We don’t know any better because we haven’t taught ourselves to know better. Healing is only a change of direction away. Your present and perhaps – future – should not have to be a replication of your troubled past. Your parents’ broken marriage isn’t for you to save. Your parents’ issues aren’t for you to take care of. Regaining control of yourself and of your injured soul – that is what is of your duty to save.
You ought to stop seeking familiar patterns so you can repeat endlessly dynamics you know too well. You ought to seek what is healthy for your heart, not what is a bruised memory to your psyche.