31 sentence contest "Unrealised Love"


4- "The bill is tled
8-!" SanSandra exclaimed while she opened her pursowly
6-. Leo Leo smiled and thanked Sandra cully
7-. It - It was a new era of bhood
15-. San5- Sandra could not resist the offer of frifrom Leo, it was it was a mory
24-. Doi
24- Doing things together become thives while relhough, relationship matter was hidden andetly, thus, thtainly, they are both matured and s about love affair.
3- No r.

3cret
16-. Leoret

16- Leo could not hold it any longer and thought of a way out of emsion
25-. Sansion

25- Sandra hosted Leo at home for the first time, it was a cool Saturday when lover boy Leo appeared in casual dreseans
26-. Leod Jeans

26- Leo received warmed welcomihome, withielt at home. Within a blink of an eye, a bottle of chs served, followeas servdish
10-. Theby a dish

10- The truth must be said "Leo uctively
21- . "You are tively

21- You are a pretty young lady, educated, caring, loving and Godfearing" Leo continued with paraphrases by mentioningndra
29-. Surties in Sandra

29- Surprisingly, Sandra dl for it, it wasn'tnd fell for it. It wasn't a new thing for her but natural feelings for dear ones cted
13-. Thenied or rejected

13- The rted, as they were committed at starrate
28-. Notto me at full rate

28- Not quite long, people living around them knowship, by going outelationship. Going in a of sacred great love awith the s itself to neighbodvertisinends
12-. Thineighbouring friends

12- Things going smoothly for the partner and t for
2-. Goddamn
9-! Canraying for

2- God damn

9- Can you explsion
23-. It Leo asked with tension

23- It was a sunny day during winter, when Leo paid unnoticed visit to her darling butally
31-. He s a different case totally

31- He heard the conversation going on between his lover andoor, he helse while ssaying "That boy or. He heard Sandra saying "that ague
22- "...t" "Therend and a colleague..."

22- "...there is nothing between us, I am usip state, nothinge peattached, trust me love
5-" Leoothing is attached. Trust mtion
18-. An - Leo banged in without notification

18- An unusual facial look got Sandrapped, the mhout knowing that she's beeerly
1-. Expein?
11- "Hotum was compounded bitterly

1- Explain?

11- "Hoadly
14-. It ou been fooling me around?" Leo asked sadly

14- It was long
17-. Evement for Sandra at first, but not for so long

17- Every se honest, the lovur refake
27-. Sans been sweet but to be honest; the leously "I tried Sandra continued with her response courageously " I tried to fall against your love at osal
21-" Aftut it was hard, which led to YES to your proposal

21- After some minutes, L is near, a bittat Sandranews
20-. Whiged and her marriage is near; a bitter sweet news!

20- While discussing about the past memory shared, enjoyed and experause
30-. Leoer and the rate of casualties the breakup might cause

30- Leo phone rang, it was a lady voice, begging him airs, she pand forget the bad things shee chance.

~Isaweir affairs. She promised to change if given the chance

~Isaw this contest at @tristancarax blog and decided to give a try. It isn't a simple task for a writer; but facing the challenge would improve writer's ability and thoughts. I saw this challenge as a great task.

Looking forward to see more contest from you @tristancarax; thanks for this.

Dont mind the story; it took me 5 hours to compose especially with the use of number to form sentences.

I hope you read and enjoy the story.


Comments 8


First off, I'm ecstatic that you did this exercise! So awesome.

5 hours! Wow! This is tough. For the @weekendfreewrite that I've done, that sounds about right. I actually have had to spread it out over a couple of days this last time.

The story is a fun read. I laughed when Leo found out that he was being used by Sandra. Leo's phone ringing at the end, with his ex-wife/woman on the other end, was an interesting element. Makes me wonder if the relationship with Sandra was a way to get back at the person on the phone or that he was done with her completely and moved on with his life, only to end up with someone else who was cheating on their fiance. HAHA! The cycle continues.

There are some corrections to make (possibly on both ends - please, if you were confused by the instructions, point out where they were unclear to you so that I can correct them). In the contest instruction, there is a post I wrote that may be used as a guide.

You don't have to make a separate post. Just correct the mistakes here on this post to make it a valid entry. However, consider posting your corrected story above and leave all of these mistakes at the bottom so that we have an example of the differences so that others can see what worked and didn't work (if you do this, I can use this post as a further example of what is expected, too).

Corrections needed to make this story a valid entry:
  • I liked what you did with the numbers (perfect way for yourself to keep track) but providing the numbers in front of the sentences isn't necessary for this contest. Those can be removed. There should be paragraphs like the example provided in the contest instructions.

  • As you wrote it, this is actually one sentence -->

4- The bill is settled
8- Sandra exclaimed while she opened her purse slowly
"The bill is settled," Sandra exclaimed while she opened her purse slowly. <-- One long sentence.

There are a few other places that you did the same as above. Those will need to be corrected.

  • There are a few places where there are no punctuation marks at the end of your sentences. Please, fix it. Also, the parenthesis (") encapsulates all that a person is saying. You have in a few places just oneis found at the end of what a person is saying. It needs to be at the start of the sentence as well.

  • A colon (;) ends a sentence. So this...

Sandra could not resist the offer of friendship from Leo; it was a great memory

... is actually two sentences, not a 15 word sentence.

  • This here...

24- Doing things together become their objectives. Though, relationship matter was hidden and kept secretly. Certainly, they are both matured and sensational about live affair.

... is three sentences. It needs to be a single, 24 word sentence. (I know this is tough!)


All and all, you have a story. I can't wait to see the corrections.

21.11.2019 20:32
3

Thanks for the observation and correction. I will make proper correction as stated.

22.11.2019 03:11
0

I've made some corrections on the post especially the use of punctuation.
It was a little bit hectic but I'm ever ready to be corrected if found wrong again.

I couldn't change some words in order not to tamper with the mode and orderliness of the story. So my correction was based largely on punctuation.

I hope it suit the contest sir...smile

22.11.2019 04:18
0

This is acceptable.

I'd be getting picky past this point. 8-)

22.11.2019 04:55
0

If I'm correct, you went "two mind sets" as your guide, yes? Upon reflexting, I can see how your characters would play into that theme.

22.11.2019 05:00
1

I must correct my mistake. A semicolon used, as you did in the sentence you wrote, is actually not an ending to the sentence but functions more like a comma.

https://writingexplained.org/grammar-dictionary/semicolon

Please, excuse my error. I so very sorry for the trouble that my mistake caused you. - Haha, this is why I'm below the earthworms. I'll be forwarding one sbi unit to you.

09.12.2019 02:16
0

Nice story, thanks for sharing on steem

26.11.2019 20:42
0

Oh thanks

26.11.2019 20:46
0