I might have been once again... I received a beautiful gift today and I am still enjoying it, the figurine below is part of the gift, a great one, like the great gig in the sky.
This fox is a reminder of what i want to be.
When i used to live in Venezuela i used to dream to become a Custom biker, dressed in full leathers and riding around like a lone wolf.
Once I moved to France one of the first things I did was to get me a Yamaha Drag Star 600cc because the 1100 was too big for me.
I added a few 200 blue leds to it 2 years before the movie Ghost Rider, it was a cool slow heavy motorbike.
It gave me many many good rides, I went to Dijon, to the UK several times, once to Switzerland (And i got out of the motorway like na idiot and did the Alpine roads in February, without proper winter biker attire, something i am not to repeat ever.
When you were young and your heart was an open book...
So when I was a biker and a free spirit I was happy.
I was not as free as you might think, I used to work in an Oil company and one day I was told I was not suppossed to work in the office in leather jeans.
My boss told me to get a few suits some ties and to have them in the office...
He started taming me, making me fit in, so I did I like money too much so I changed attires.
Off and On I started to become a caged lion in my office, I missed the field, so I requested to return to it.
Then I was able to be a free Biker in my free time, and then I met my wife to be, she was Crazy, nice, beautiful, the black sheep of a former French nobility family, she came with a parent's summer Castle and all, but she was a free spirit, now in retrospective she was as strange as me, and now that i am reading about female Asperger, and I have confirmation from my Psi...(that Aspies attract each other) we unknowingly started an Aspie couple, at that time I was just wondering if i was crazy... And she had the right amount of craziness as to match me.
We started a life together, and by mimics, being forced to spend my summers in a castle (not against my will if i might say) and she pursuing a professional career well we found ourselves following the French version of the Manual for a happy and successful life evidently this was not good for us.
I particularly stopped being what I was, what I felt confortable with, I changed the motorbike for a Beemer, I changed the freedom for a sedentary life, I changed the leathers for Hugo Boss suits, tried many things that were just not me...
Now there is two lessons I learnt this week, the first relates to my past marriages, and how even if they were weird and I suspect Aspies it didn't work, but also we didn't knew we all were so the key might be there.
But the important lesson
And this one came after my friend @por500bolos sent me a biker's song in my previous post is that even after the divorce I have not returned to what I was, basically because I didn't understood maybe that was part of the problem, I kept behaving like a rich spoilt brat, in my Bat Mobile and eating loneliness in nice Golf courses and shit.
I was happier when I was myself, and the last self I remember that was happy was the biker guy.
So I am geting rid of the Beemer and once it sells, I will get me another loud fat low custom bike (I own one but its been parked for so long that i dont want to spend time or money making it road worthy again) A good old Drag Star, or a nice Harley Sportster 883 would do, I dont need speed I need to look all knees and knuckles.
My father sent me this video when i told him
about this we are discussing here...
I want to find a 3rd Aspie girl
One that knows and accepts she is an Aspie and that makes me feel at home, that we can work together, and that we can support each other IN THE KNOW!
That is the variable I want to change in the equation, as the Aspies I have loved before have given me very good years of complicity and passion, Aspie's love is unconditional until we turn it off, Aspie's love is strong as a fortress, and if nurtured and understood from an Aspie to another it might just work, because we will be able to avoid getting to the I need my own safe space phase that points the turn of things.
I am heading now to spain
I have someone in mind, and she knows it, but she is not ready even thought she knows what i am talking about...
Wish me luck!
I will need it, this is a extremely exciting adventure for me, because I will be trying something new, which is old, but from a new approach.
I have learnt a lot about myself this last weeks, I am basically surrounded now... But I like it, and I know where i am going...
At worst I will die with my boots on!
By way of deception thou shalt make war.
"Where there is no guidance, a nation falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety."