I.IV There is more life than suicide

To end this part of my return from the community service, I want to write one of the most profound realization I learned during the event. Sure, I complained about one or two things during the service but there is one thing I learned during that service which made me reflect on my life for the past 3 years.

From the past 3 years, I have been nothing but depressed and suicidal. After my first major accident, life changed drastically and I felt I wasn't myself. Things around me changed, people changed, my personality, and ability, changed.In short, I woke up as a new person with hidden disabilities. Then, this didn't stop me being mischievous since I was only reaching my early 20. I thought I should try everything because they said "you only live once." So I went crazy on trying any experiences that I think adventurous and outside of my comfort zone. Although I went on being hedonistic for a little while, that didn't solve my profound unhappiness. I got more dissatisfied with life when the parties were over. I had to battle the loneliness and knowing that those who I think were friends and cared for me, actually didn't. It only escalated my wish to die. However, upon trying, I was always still alive.

This year was an eye-opening accident. Technically, I could die any moment that time. If there were trucks passing right in front of me, I could die because my head hit the asphalt and bled. Another possible clause is that I could die because organ failure. But I managed to stay alive. As of today, I can still remember vividly how the accident happened. It was a brief moment where I was begging for life. Ironic right? it's coming from someone who wished of dying. But I managed to get back up, all in pieces intact and alive. At first, I couldn't process how lucky I was until I realized, I just survived an accident, once more.

That moment, I didn't call any of my parents right away. I called them after I got out from the clinic and by then, I realized there's still someone who would be grieving for years, if I am gone. Then, I reflect back to all of my problems. All of them were actually solvable if I try my best to fix it. If it doesn't get any better, then I should leave it be since that's outside my control. I also realized that there would be friendship, experiences, and relationships I missed just because I died early. I haven't explored all the continents, I haven't even made my billions, I haven't even done my best at school, I haven't even contributed anything to the society, I haven't even made people I care about happy, I haven't even... There are so many things I haven't even done. The biggest thing I realized is, suicide isn't the answer to problems.

No matter how difficult and challenging life is, we have to do our best. Always wish for a long healthy life because it's true, health is wealth.


Comments 4

It's great to discover the real worth of life in the moments that our true spirit make its appearance. I think survival instinct can help us but our quest for meaning give us the brightness of light!!
It was a pleasure to find these posts and read you in this moment of life, full of reflections, wisdom and great perspectives for life!
All the Best Winds in this path!! Abrazos grandes, @Macchiata!!

25.08.2019 23:40

Point well taken! finding a meaning in life is a challenging quest and some moments in our life will help us point out our north star. I am glad you're finding some meaning in the post.

Muchas gracias, @leveuf

26.08.2019 00:07

Lo más Bueno para adelante, @Macchiata!!

26.08.2019 05:16

I think we all suffer from suicidal tendencies. It’s the thing that marks us as different from the rest.

We know what’s going on around us. The others merely pretend to know.

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01.09.2019 03:54