I first logged in to a camsite when I was 18 yrs, just a few months shy :)
To say I was a ball of nerves is an understatement. I had minimal experience when it came to sex work. I had done some research about how the tips worked, how to use the site, etc. Though I don’t know if I really knew what I was getting myself into until I finally logged in.
There I was in my apartment’s tiny spare room, with my old couch and all the lamps I could find, and my sub-par Chromebook. (I know! I didn’t even have a real laptop) For some reason, I thought it would be appropriate to wear a hoodie, the only cute panties I owned, and thigh-high socks I found at a thrift shop. I was fully expecting that I would log in, and it would go terrible, that no one would like the tiny awkward girl with oversized glasses. I expected it to be the strip club all over again.
That’s not exactly what happened, though. I logged in, and people were curious about me, and I was showered in tips. I was hooked. To say it was a confidence boost is an understatement. My self-esteem was almost non-existent before that day. Still, slowly, as I continued camming, and eventually selling vids, I learned to love myself and all the things that make me different. It wasn’t just that I was being paid to take my clothes off, and it wasn’t only all the compliments I got (and let’s be real, I didn’t always get compliments!).
Something is liberating about having the confidence to take your clothes off on the internet, where potentially thousands could see you naked. Where everyone has an opinion, and not always good ones. It takes guts to do what we do as adult performers. I may not have had all the confidence in the world the first time I logged on, but I soon realized that all of the things I thought were my flaws are actually strengths. It's okay to be different. We should embrace all of our differences. Not only did sex work help boost my confidence, but it helped give me a thicker skin. If you don’t like me, that’s fine!
I guess all of this is what drove me to the ManyVids platform. It wasn’t just girls, it was guys, trans folks, and everything in between. Just a quick look at the ManyVids home page, and you’ll see all kinds of body shapes.
I won’t lie to you, as most of us, I started in this industry because I thought it would be easy money. (Ha! here’s no such thing as easy money!) But I’ve come to love everything about it. I’ve come to love this sense of community it has brought me. I have also come to love this new me, I may take my clothes off for money, (which comes with all the stigma) but at least I have fun doing it. At least now, I can say that I love myself.
If you’re reading this and you feel how I felt, I hope you can get to this place. To learn to love yourself, despite what anyone else may think.
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