The two finest specimens the world can possibly offer—considering them to be the only specimens the world offers.
Wait, are you guys getting offers from the world that I don’t know about? Are any of them food? I totes forgot to eat today. Whoopsie! Shit, not more math! It’s been 21 hours since noms. HOLD!
Back! Italics to imply I slid back in here super quick—which, I totally didn’t. That was nearly 5 hours ago, you time-travelin’ bass turd!
Dickie Birds, so sleek. Nature’s true Woodpecker. I… Umm…
Sorry if I half-ass this, I’m feeling all the sad.
Sometimes, people can’t give their all, & that might cross your path. When someone makes a mistake, do we get mad, or do we understand that we all have our off days? Some of us have decades of off days, & that’s ok. Life can be hard in more ways than any of us can ever imagine. Be kind, even when you’ve been slighted or screwed. Let whatever pain comes into your life stop at you.
Ok, now that I’ve set the mood, let’s try to find the joy in life. See, THIS is why we must deal with our emotions. I feel happier already—even though the thing that caused my sadness hasn’t resolved. I can choose to release that emotional strife. In finding that freedom, we can love either result.
Caption of photo 1: You don’t wanna piss these phallic fuckers off—if you get my drift. Yeah, they will sock it right to your eyeballs. Pun utterly intended. I’m a little inebriated, so I first typed ‘socket.’ Derp, hehe.
Caption for photo 2: Vintage vent-view.
Caption for photo 3: Are they…? Oh, come on! Not in front of my friends! Sorry, look away, before this disgustingly natural act is burned into your eyes! You wouldn’t want to enjoy something that comes natural or anything—noooooo.
Caption for photo 4: Sooooo, this is what it feels like to exist as a floor. Imagine being a floor, but also having Podophobia. Youch! (Podophobians, trigger warning!) If you look close, you can see the green feet. Oh, what a lucky moment this is—these green feet are rarely so prominently displayed.
If you do some webby snoop-snoops, you’ll find some weird, man-made, ostrich-feather duster-thing for $12ish. That’s without a sweet-ass, green-footed habitat. Art adds value to this world, so I'll be taking the best offer higher than $35. I’m also open to interesting trades.
I'm selling a house full of stuff. Each piece will be numbered, signed with DNA infused ink, & come with a snarky/silly/thoughtful/ranty/whatever post. I'm playing a game of chicken with entropy. 100 years from now (or whenever/ifever), I hope someone is inspired to bring all the pieces back together for one silly-ass art exhibit that helps to show us that our lives can come back together, no matter what happens to us. Individually, each piece is meant to bring the comfort of knowing—even in chaos, we always have a place in this Universe, given that its entirety is our home.
To go along with this project, I’m writing a reality-meets-fiction telling of the process—in the sci-fi genre, of course. If you buy a piece, you get a free copy of the book, & if it pleases you, I’ll likely put you in the story.
One final thought on economics. Early investors win more & lose less. If this catches on, that $35+ could grow into $5k in only a few dozen months. Also, others realizing this will drive that $5k even higher. I mean, who doesn’t want to be part of a future quest?!