🦁 Communication 101 (For the grumpy lion/lioness in all of us) 🦁


Growling isn't going to get your message heard when you're in a boomerang fight.


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Me: "THAT IS NOT WHAT I AM SAYING!"

I found myself steaming at the ears trying to communicate with flailing arms and legs something that was not translating on the other side.

Opponent: "You JUST SAID __!"

At this point, every ounce of annoyance inside me is about to burst as I let the frustration completely overtake my calm, rational perspective and Hulk breaks loose.

Me: "AHHHHH! That's NOT WHAT I SAID! I don't even understand how what you're saying back could possibly be what you think I said, that is definitely NOT what I said!"

Opponent: "Yes it is! You JUST SAID IT! I heard you!"

My palm just about went through my forehead.


Stop!
Deep breath in.
Count to 10.
Release.


Holy jumping jelly beans! Anyone been through something like this? πŸ™‹β€β™€οΈπŸ™‹β€β™‚οΈ

πŸ‘‰Here's the thing... when you're stressed out, your processing power is not at 100% and you're going to be liable to make some errors.

Think about it like a phone battery, as we're using it, it's expending energy and that battery bar is decreasing in percentage right? (Same, same in real life.)

So in case you forgot, you're YOU and you're NOT well, "not you" so therefore, you can't perfectly know what someone is trying to say/what they mean just as they can't be inside your head to know exactly what you're saying/what you're meaning to say!

Therefore, thread lightly my friends.

🌈The art is knowing that we have that faulty system and setting up some measures to protect yourself when that starts to happen.🌈

I noticed recently in a conversation/argument/misunderstanding/learning opportunity (being under a lot of stress lately), that the two of us in opposition were appearing to be saying the same/similar things but not HEARING it that way (which got my brain twirling!)

Being hyper-sensitive and empathic, I talk to myself in moments like this so while I could see my opponent's eyebrows furled and watch his lips repeat back to me words (I definitely didn't say)... I thought...

"I know we're not doing this right, right now. What is REALLY going on here?"

It was this aggravated, super insistent boomerang back and forth of us saying the same thing over and over just in new ways or with different wording each time. The other person kept firing back the same message (translation) no matter how it was conveyed (and the two of us both KNOW better!)

See, what I noticed by slowing down time (a la Matrix) and observing us was that we both were expressing our fears (what we didn't want to happen) and we were both defending ourselves to the other to try to justify that we would not/were not producing that fear for the other (as if we thought we were being blamed!)

Hear that? Blame and fear.

That's just war-like, that's not going to get you far even if you THINK you're saying the right thing. War creates offence and defense and we don't want that in communication. We don't want to be on opposite sides of the battle field, (we want to avoid the war part all together actually.)

Thinking about how common this is and how often we humans misinterpret each other, I started investigating ways in which to mediate that problem outside of the kitchen table.

Now, I am trained in NVC (non-violent communication) which is an extremely helpful communication technique developed by Marshall Rosenberg. The problem is sometimes even I myself, forget to use NVC perfectly.

I actually also have a university degree in Communication and Social Psychology together with an encyclopedia of techniques and information in my brain that could/should help many a situation that may occur.... I should be prepared for such events and get to live all hunky-doory with no misunderstandings ever to be had, right?

NO. No matter who you are or what you know, life is life and will present challenges.

Stress gets in the way of all that! Stress buckles all of your talents and skills and if we (as in any of us) don't catch it quick enough, we can end up in a battlefield with ourselves and anyone else around us.


πŸ‘‰What's important is to STOP, COLLABORATE and LISTEN!

(Oh, I am not even joking my love drops!)


If you SLOW YOUR OWN BRAIN DOWN, breath in deeply, count down if you need to and just take a second to let the stress pass, you'll find that all of a sudden your built in translator is back online!

Listen with compassion and maybe say something like:

πŸ‘‰"Can you tell me again in other words what emotion you're feeling right now?"

Wait and let the other person answer.

πŸ‘‰"OK, so you've expressed you're feeling _____. Am I right?"

Wait and let the other person answer.

"Can you tell me WHY you are feeling that way?"

When we break down the context of the communicative stress, we get to the REAL ROOT and then we can actually move forward.

I bring this up because I KNOW (I am extremely stubborn and I love being right) it can be hard to just stop and let someone else have the spot light when I want to share what I'm feeling.

But, if you're able to manage to muster compassion and kindness for them (especially in that moment) you will have such a more beneficial experience than screaming back and forth for hours.

Trust me. I hope next time you're feeling like you just cannot get through to someone you'll remember this and know you're not alone and you can make the whole thing turn around! πŸ’š

You know what people like? To be heard. To be seen. To be valued. To be empathized with.

That's where true healing and connectivity comes from.

I feel like I have to add, in said search, I found this hilarious video which will make you laugh and make you think about how you communicate (especially concerning speaking to the opposite sex!)

Love and Light ✨
Cece πŸ˜˜πŸ§™
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Comments 17


Lol no one wins in a he said, she said argument just like online arguments people forget its not about dominating the other but moving towards a resolution and hearing different points of view. Essentially many of our conversations are sort of fascist and forcing our opinion on others thinking it's superior and not giving them the same right we would expect to have for our thoughts.

I know I'm guilty of it, but I am aware of it and actively try to change that.

24.02.2020 11:33
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Being aware of our own tendencies and at least working on them and checking on them is half the battle so that's great to hear @chekohler! :) If we all just could hear ourselves from outside of ourselves, I think we'd live in a different world!

26.02.2020 14:07
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According to the Bible, Are you one of the apostles of Jesus? Why do you preach?

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24.02.2020 11:37
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24.02.2020 21:10
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Thank you so much @trufflepig :) I hope this information helps someone out there the way it helped me! =D

26.02.2020 14:08
0

@trucklife-family here, I love this, there is some wonderful advice here and also a reminder that even though we may know what it is we need to do, being human steps in and we often need to retrace our steps. I have recently got involved in the NVC workshop that @eco-alex put on and found it so invaluable. Taking the time to listen and breathe is so important.

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25.02.2020 18:52
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Hey @trucklife-family :) Amazing to hear that Alex was hosting NVC and that you got some exposure to it! It's such a beautiful path to learn to communicate with each other (when we remember to use it!) :) You're right, being human no matter what we know, we're liable to our own flaws and that's the beauty of imperfection which also gives us a lot of learning opportunity. :)

26.02.2020 14:10
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Nicely formulated :>) Advice, without 'preaching'...It was an enjoyable read @heart-to-heart.

25.02.2020 19:33
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Oh I'm happy it was enjoyed @angryman, I'd never want to preach but I do love being able to share things I learn that help me along the way :)

26.02.2020 14:06
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:>) Sometimes we just need to hear or see something of value, presented in the right way, at the right time for us to comprehend and make use of, to help enrich our lives. (Thus the lives of others as well)

Have a happy day.
Ciao

26.02.2020 21:30
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A grumpy lion?

29.02.2020 20:39
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Shoulda tagged you @handofzara, my bad ;)

01.03.2020 05:29
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For the record lions are never grumpy just sometimes tired. :)

01.03.2020 20:12
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Such wise words presented with sincere vulnerability.

You know what people like? To be heard. To be seen. To be valued. To be empathized with. That's where true healing and connectivity comes from.

Isn't this the truth. If we could just move our egos out of the way and see with our hearts! Always something to be aware of and commit to practicing. Thank you for sharing 🌱

01.03.2020 23:40
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Oh @bia.birch, I dream of a world where we could see and move forward with our hearts open! So many people are stepping into that direction and taking the steps to try to break open conditioning and walls <3 But as you said, it's something to commit and practice to so if we remember to keep it in mind and try harder, I think we could see a world of change :)

02.03.2020 05:56
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I agree 🌱 Being mindful of what we think and what we do, and WHY we think and do those things, can go a long way toward creating change.

03.03.2020 14:06
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Highly rEsteemed!

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03.05.2020 15:21
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