Being proactive is sometimes not so positive


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Most likely some of us have heard the expression "don't wait for it to happen, make it happen" or "don't be one of those who wait for things to happen, make them happen." These expressions sum up in a nutshell the concept of "proactivity".

To be proactive is to have initiative, to detect a need and do something about it without anyone telling us or ordering us to do so. It is being ahead of the curve, so to speak. Many companies look for people like this because they want people who look for solutions, who contribute to the organization. Being proactive is favorable in many areas of our lives. For example, in a family, it is positive to realize that the house needs to be cleaned or tidied and to do it without anyone telling us. In a community, to observe that something needs to be repaired or solved and to look for the solution, to do the necessary diligences for it. Suddenly in a couple relationship, taking the initiative is important, so our partner detects our interest in her and in the relationship.

However, being proactive in every moment is not always so positive. When we are the ones who always "make things happen", then people probably get used to the idea that we are going to solve everything ourselves. Or on the contrary, we limit, without realizing it, others from developing skills or learning certain things. In a couple relationship, for example, when one partner is the one who always shows love, affection or has the initiative, somehow the initiative of the other person is mutilated to such an extent that the other person gets used to be loved, courted or sought after and therefore believes that he/she does not need to show anything to the other person.

There are also cases, like mine, where we are stubborn and impatient and insist on something no matter what. While persistence is a fundamental quality for success and the achievement of objectives and goals, we must also remember that sometimes we insist on something that may not be convenient at that moment or that happens in a certain way. Patience and prudence are part of the cocktail of success and there are times when it is time to apply them to their maximum expression.

I remember the movie "The vow", with Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum, where "Paige (McAdams) loses her memory and Leo (Tatum) tries to make her remember everything, but infructuously. He becomes desperate and helpless as he loves his wife and wants to live his love with her, but she can't remember anything. After trying so hard, he realizes that he will not be able to do it, that insisting will only push her further away. He understands that being proactive is not so positive in this case, so he decides to walk away. They even get divorced.

Months go by, everyone goes their own way and lives their own lives. Minutes before the last scene, Leo narrates something while some clips play representing the passing of the months. What he says is the following:
>A moment of impact whose potential for change has expansive effects beyond what we can predict. And that causes some particles to collide and come together more than ever before. Particles scatter off to great adventures and end up where we never thought we could find them. That's the thing about these moments. even if you try, you can't control what effects they will have on us, you just have to let the colliding particles land where they should and wait until the next collision.

I agree with these words. There are times when we become fixated on something we collide with: a business, a partner, a car, a job. But maybe that collision has an end or a pause. Things did not turn out the way we wanted or thought they would and the only thing left to do is to let everything flow, let the river flow and wait. Yes, it is difficult especially for proactive people it is very difficult to wait, we are impatient, we like to be in control, to make things happen. But "just let the particles coming into collision land where they should land and wait until the next collision."


Original G. S. Bilbao

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