Initially, on seeing the title of this article, my mind took a drift to the story of Haaman and Mordecai in the Bible and, with all exhilaration on my nerves, I had seen a good reference to build my points on. But everything changed when I saw inanimate objects as the plotters. Oh my God! I laughed relentlessly at my impatient judgment toward this article. Hence, for me to get a better comprehension, I patiently took out the definitions of the following terms:

  • What does it mean to plot against someone?
  • What are inanimate objects?

Now, to plot against someone simply means to establish a plan to overthrow or ruin such a person.
While inanimate objects are things that don't possess any life in them.

On a further reflection, how does this correlate? How could things that can't talk, walk or think plan against the most intelligent creatures in the world? "This is just a humorous personification" I exclaimed! But I began to see reasons with Russell Baker when I started reading the categories of these evil plotters.

One of my melancholic experiences with the first category is, some years ago when I had planned my birthday with few of my friends. Everything was in place; the drinks, the food, there was no power failure, the generator was fully serviced, the home theatre was in tact - every electronics, tested and trusted. The plan was to have the party from 11pm till dawn. It was anticipated to be one of the most exciting parties I would ever have, coupled with the fact that I just graduated from my ND (National Diploma) with no "carry over". I was feeling like an angel flying over the moon. The party (based on African man time) started at 11:30pm. We were dancing and making merry, and after about 20 minutes, there was a power outage. This wasn't a problem to us since we had our standby generator. Unfortunately, this tested and trusted generator refused to work. We tried all we could, but to no avail. My friends tried their best just to make me feel OK by singing with their mouths and narrating some stories, but deep within me, this was a disaster. The party that was supposed to end by 3am, ended 12:30am. Everyone slept off in a boring-hot-mosquito condition. This was totally exacrable.
For the second category, I have had countless frustrating experiences with motorcycles, tricycles and cars where they tend to breakdown whenever I'm in a hurry to meet up with an important function (school, Church, work, etc.). I could recall vividly when my Pastor took me to camp in Ogun State. On our way back, our car broke down so many times. We spent money on towing truck and mechanics. We really suffered.

The third category is the most rampant and most ungodly plotters. They have wings to fly and disappear completely. They have been trained to stay quiet and hide forever in the least expected places. They can be with you and you would still be looking for them. They are the most mischievous crew. My experience with them is virtually everyday.
One night, I went to a club and managed to return home by 1:30am, but my house key was nowhere to be found save the keyholder. I searched to the best of my ability, but was futile. I was so exhausted with some amount of liquor in my body system, that I had to sleep on the floor by my door post till day break. It was beyond a nightmare for me as I became friends with dust, unbearable cold and vampiric mosquitoes. I woke up by 5am, called a carpenter (who arrived by 8am), I spent N5,000 to change the door key. After wasting this money, that same day, the Barber who shaved my hair before I migrated to the club returned my key and said he found it while he was sweeping that evening, he said he didn't open his shop that morning because he travelled. To tune up the accomplishment of this cruel plotter's task, one week later, I spent an extra N3,000 to treat myself of malaria. Normal humans wouldn't be this wicked. This experience could lead to death.

Yes! Russell Baker, I totally agree with you! These plotters have had a meeting to bring us down!

Moreover, in a bid to defeating these plotters, I believe it would be expedient if most of these easily misplaced objects are designed in such a way that they can be easily tracked with our phones or other Internet supporting devices. Likewise, machines that are capable of breaking down should be designed to announce their status before starting. Also, good housekeeping, maintenance and proper replacement of parts would help us defeat these plotters.

Questions on Content, Structure, and Style

  1. What is Baker's purpose in writing this classification? What reaction do you think Baker wants to evoke from his reading audience?

The purpose is to reveal the disappointment, caused by the unavailability of machines or property when it is needed.

The writer wants to evoke deep thoughts and agreement from his reading audience.

Comments 0