I’ll put an end to repeat offenders of rape and child molestation—castration on your first conviction. How’s that for an opening sentence?
Executive order. Written orders or instructions that bypass U.S. Congress and legislative law making process at the sole discretion of the President of the United States—a stranger whom you, people you know and people you don’t know, rush to the Diebold voting ATM for, in the name of democracy, once every four years.
Hi, I’m @dandays, The Luckiest Guy I Know, vote for me in November and the following list of
Nine executive orders shall take effect immediately following my inauguration! The difference between me and all of those other candidates you’ve voted for in the past is simple—we actually have a rapport, you and I, and I don’t sleep with the illuminati.
Executive Order No.1:
Refer to the opening sentence.
Executive Order No.2:
Any man, woman, or otherwise, convicted of maliciously accusing someone of rape allegations and found guilty of providing false testimony shall serve a minimum 25 year prison sentence in a maximum security facility without the possibility of parole. Your sentence shall be reduced by one year per each proven sexual assault you personally prevented while detained by the U.S Department of Corrections.
Executive Order No.3:
To further promote the development of blockchain technology and, to encourage mainstream usage of #cryptocurrency, all fiat and Federal Reserve Notes are hereby required to have the following inscription clearly legible on both front and back:
”The Original Terrorism, Money Laundering, Drug Trade, and Human Trafficking Legal Tender.”
Executive Order No.4:
Resurrection of the 2nd amendment—right to bear arms. I’ll make it unlawful to mandate personal firearms remain unloaded while in transport and that all personal facilities such as, but not limited to, the glove-box of your vehicle, under the seat of your vehicle, pants pocket, purse, hip holster, ankle holster, anywhere on your person and anything of the like shall have the same governing laws as every public shooting range in all 50 states.
Personal firearms are, however, to remain non-permissible in any type of education facility, court room preceding, or financial institution—leave it in your car.
Gun control—the wOrd “control” is in the phrase, people! It’s right there, it’s the second wOrd in “gun control.” Like “programming,” it’s the second wOrd in “television programming” and you fail to realize its significance.
Executive Order No.5:
All public fountains, both indoor and outdoor, shall have their contents removed monthly and 100% of the proceeds collected from therein shall be disbursed equally amongst missions, homeless shelters, food banks, and non-profit organizations designed to assist those who are less fortunate from within that fountains city limits.
This order is a social experiment that provides a variety of Human Resources as well as #community awareness. Those in need of deserving items such as, but not limited to, shoes, shelter, food, and medical treatment, will receive these items free of charge. It also employs personnel to operate and manage the collection service, the disbursement agency, medical staff, etc, all while Public Relations and quality of #life climb to a level less atrocious than its current state. And let’s not forget to take into consideration those who will use this opportunity as a tax deduction anomaly and turn this donation service into a spectacle by donating thousands or even tens of thousands of dollars toward a just cause on a monthly basis—“make a wish!”
Executive Order No.6:
An extension to Executive Order No.5—the Tiny House Legislature. 10% of all motor vehicle toll crossings including, but not limited to, bridge fees, toll roads, and commuter passes, shall fund TNL—the Tiny House Legislature. Furthermore, 10% of all parking fees including, but not limited to, parking violations, metered parking, and parking structure entry fees shall fund TNL.
These Tiny Houses are to be habitable dwelling units which will not only provide adequate shelter for those less fortunate but will also create jobs from within the community with everyone from the design and build aspect to the delivery, maintenance, and well being check-ups to those who desperately need it. This initiative will provide a service our country can be proud of while simultaneously catapulting an industry the rest of the world will be unable to ignore and therefor be forced to follow suit shortly thereafter.
Executive Order No.7:
All public walking paths whose sole intents of purposes are designed for foot traffic including, but not limited to, walking paths and sidewalks, shall be clearly divided with a visible, painted line that stretches equally down the center of the path and arrows indicating the proper direction of foot travel.
Executive Order No.8:
Recall the incentive for mass human reproduction—no more tax benefits on April 15th for the reproduction of children from this day forward. Those of you who currently have children are grandfathered in by previous legislation. This will put an end to the highly toxic nature of reproduction in order to receive government assistance as well as detour the theory of ‘everyone else is doing’ it and instead incentivize young people to do things such as, but not limited to, receive education, embrace a career, and prepare themselves for the challenges in life that lie ahead before bringing a life into this world.
I hereby incentivize you to not reproduce. Not forever, just for a pivotal moment in time—the time you’re supposed to spend growing, learning, and becoming accustom to co-existing on a shared planet.
From the proceeds saved on government assistance, subsidized housing, medical attention, and the abundance of costs associated with childbirth young parents are understandably unaware of, everyone, both male and female, who did not reproduce prior to turning 20 will receive a $1,000 Awareness Bonus payable on their 20th birthday. Those who are actively seeking employment, are currently employed or enrolled in school, and managed to do so by age 20 without reproducing shall receive a $500 bonus, paid annually on April 15th and continue until your 25th birthday. Between the ages of 26 and 30, your annual Awareness Bonus shall increase to $750 until the maximum benefit allowance of $1,000 is reached—payable between age 31 and 35. Final payment will be executed on April 15th immediately following your 35th birthday. All Awareness Bonuses shall cease to exist at age 36.
Executive Order No.9:
Nationwide legal use of marijuana in every aspect including, but not limited to, cultivation, transport, inhale, exhale, ingestion of and, furthermore, heightened awareness of the medicinal properties marijuana provides including, but not limited to, tobacco relief, Parkinson’s disease, chronic pain, eating disorders, sleep depravation, nausea, anxiety/depression, and general mental health issues shall be at the forefront of public attention.
Having never attributed to one (1) recorded death in the #history of marijuana and existence of humankind which is more than I can say for the use of illegal narcotics (77 thousand deaths per year), alcoholism (88 thousand deaths per year), pharmaceuticals (106 thousand “reported” deaths per year), and the tobacco industry (EIGHT MILLION deaths per year), the fact that marijuana remains, to this day, illegal in more than 75% of our shared globe is, for lack of a better term, asinine.
In a world where both Pepto-Bismol and Aspirin, each of which are easily accessible on every street corner in America have proven capable of human fatality, we still have lawmakers who refuse to release their strong arm control (there’s that C-word again) over a naturally flowering, just add water and sunlight, plant—that ends now.